I'll Take Adventure

     I would be lying if I said these past few months have been anything but okay. They've been tainted by mediocrity and conventional forms of entertainment. My heart feels dulled and heavy by the sounds of my peers telling me "You'll never get anywhere with such impossible aspirations." My mind feels warped by existential depression. I've been plagued by the question that I sometimes wish I'd never asked.
WHY? 

I realized when I asked "Why" over and over, I just kept getting the same answer...

"That's just how it is." 

"Why do I have to go to college to be successful and happy?"
"Why do I have to settle down?"
"Why does the amount of money I have in my bank account determine the amount of success or happiness I have in my spirit?"


"That's just how it is."


I couldn't accept such a mediocre response.
I needed more. Why should life be anything but an adventure? Why do we force ourselves to work 9 hours a day so we can afford our overly expensive material possessions? When our hands become unusable and our eyes lose their sight, and our ears lose their hearing, what will we have left? A $120,000 house? Memories of waking up to go to a job you hate? I'm sorry, but if that measures my success, then you can count me out on that one.

I'll take memories. I'll take adventure. I'll take risks. I'll take being called irresponsible by the people who do exactly what they're told by others who are also clueless about happiness. I'll take reckless. I'll take all of this because I've learned a very special secret. I'll tell you, my friend, but you have to promise you'll use it wisely:

We write our own stories. We choose every single reaction we give, and every single place we end up. We choose when we cry, and when we smile; we choose anger over tranquility, or resentment over forgiveness. The words that end up on the pages of our eulogies are the direct reflection of the choices we make and the lives we live in the now. We're writing our own biographies, friends.

If your life was a story, would you read it?

Who I am, was, and want to be.

     Well....I'm back in the USA which is wierd in itself to say. No longer do I wake up to the sound of the Muslim call to prayer or the rice and curry cooking in the kitchen. I dont get to hear the Indonesian maids bickering or the chickens playing with the cats outside my house. I don't get to see my closest host family members every day anymore or speak Malay or do anything that became a norm for me this past year. I've been in America for a month now and it feels more foreign than Malaysia ever did. 

     Socially, in the beginning, it's easy. Everyone wants to see you, see how you've changed or not. Everyone wants to see your new cultural clothes and hear you speak profanities in your new found tongue. In the beginning it's easy. 

But things change, and life will (try to) go back to normal. 

I'm starting to think it never will. 

      My exchange year has given me an insight so much deeper than anything I've ever experienced. I question everything in my own home country and see it through new eyes. Its like I'm viewing the American culture through foreign eyes, watching it play out like a movie and I'm the last one to leave the theatre, trying to take in everything I saw happen. Everything that is supposed to seem familiar, seems so strange and unexplainably confusing. Hearing everyone speak English in the car has been overwhelming, ordering food after looking at all the options at restaurants is exhausting, and trying to hang out with friends is strange. 

     They say this all changes after I've adjusted back to my own culture, but I think after going on exchange, a part of me will always hold onto what I became while I was away. That was not a year of my life. That was my life in a year. I believe living this separate far away life has indubitably changed me and I'm still trying to figure out how to merge who I am, who I was, and who I want to be. Maybe time will give me better answers than I can give myself...

Sincerely, 

Kaley.

Growing

I am 

Growing.

Not in the way where your pants get short and your shirts get tight

Certainly not in that way. 

I am

Growing 

In the way that your soul gets enriched and your heart feels wider than the galaxy.

I've learned 

to look 

                  Instead of see

Listen 

                  Instead of hear

Articulate 

                  Instead of talk

And most importantly 

Feel.

I am 

Growing,

In ways the old me would have 

Laughed at. 

Disbelieved. 

Walked away from. 

Ways I didn't even know possible.

I am 

Growing. 

I can 

 f e e l 

my heart stretching north, east, south and west.

The pull of desire

[to learn 

and love 

and connect with others,] 

stretching me accross the world. 

I am growing. 

And it is so beautiful. 

Home is Where the Heart Is

     Time flies, and so will my airplane back to America, in less than 25 days. At first, when I realized I had about 60 something days left, I was only excited. Excited to see my family, to hold my baby brother, to eat American breakfast. But as the time goes quicker and quicker and the weeks start to tick off like hours, I'm feeling something I haven't feel in about a year. 

Anxiety to leave home.

     Because while Malaysia isn't what I've been raised to know, nor is it MY culture, it is home in a strange kind of way that only a traveler or exchange student knows. It is where a part of my heart will forever remain, and you know what they say: "Home is where the heart is." I've made problems, solved them. I've made friends, loved them. I've joined a family, cherished them. I've done so many irreplaceable things that have taken such a part of me, that in a way.... Malaysia will always be my home. 

     And of course while I'm anxious, I am excited. Basically, I'm a blended ball of confusion cookie dough right now...because how can you say you're excited to leave your family and friends to go be with your family and friends? 

     I'm sorry this blog post is so short, but I just wanted to check in and say I'm coming home soon...Being an exchange student is strange and indescribable...And I think that's just the conclusion we all come to in the end. Hopefully I can write once more before I return, but if not, thank you so much for following these until the end. 

With much love.

Sincerely,

Kaley.

A Slightly Less Philosophical Blog Post

Well this is it guys....my last 3 months of my exchange. I'm assuming if you are reading this blog post you have been at least briefly following my previous posts about my time here in Malaysia. I've learned a lot, about myself, about human beings, about human interactions and my own interactions with other people. My exchange of course has been as far away from what I expected it to be as truly possible, but it has been life-altering in ways I never could have asked for. Here are some things I've been up to lately:

CHINESE NEW YEAR: the year of the horse.

     For Chinese New Year, all exchange students were given an opportunity to go stay with a temporary host family and experience the different culture and lifestyle during the holidays. While many things were different between the Chinese and Muslim families, many things were also quite similar. The family I was staying with had only daughters and they spoke in only Mandarin. No Malay was spoken in the house. I felt like I was in a different country! I enjoyed Chinese New Year so much, as I was given the chance to really get involved in the Chinese-Malaysian culture.

(Chinese dragon dance in Kota Bharu, Kelantan. February, 2014)

 (Offerings from my Chinese host family to the deceased.)

(Me wearing the traditional Chinese shirt, cheong sam, and holding the malaysian flag. Satu Malaysia!)

(An adorable member of my temporary Chinese host family! SOOO cute!)

(I was given the chance to help make New Years Dinner. In this photo, I am grinding peppers for a chili sauce.)

(My wonderful temporary host family for Chinese New Year. Thank you so much for he wonderful memories!)

     A few weeks after Chinese New Year, I went to a Malay wedding. However, it wasn't a typical Malay wedding. It was a Pakistani-Malay wedding. This means the traditional clothing were a mixture of baju kurung (I'm wearing it in the photo below), and punjabi suits from Pakistan. This was so cool. Also, next to the wedding, was a rubber tree farm. Rubber is one of Malaysias top exports. 

(Traditional Malay dress, Baju Kurung, and the Muslim head scarf, tudung)

 

(The bride waiting in the hot Malaysian weather)

(The rubber tree farm next to the wedding place)

(Rubber dripping from the rubber tree)

Later in February, myself and the other AFS students from my state (just four of us) had a beach clean up. But what's a beach cleanup without a bit of areobic dancing first?

(The team!)

(The beach, Tok Bali.)

 

Following the beach clean up was also a day of AFS activities in Kota Bharu,Kelantan. 

(Me and the AFS gang: Mary representing Italy, Jan, and Darius representing Germany.)

 

(Batik is a tradition originated from Southeast Asia. It is the art of painting on cloth with great detail and craftsmanship. Below are more photos of batik, and our time at the batik outlet.) 

(We got the chance to do it also...........)

(I totally failed when I spilled paint all over the place.)

(Us with our batik.)

(Ice cream and Moon Kites!)

 

(The traditional Malay "moon kite." It is made from a special bamboo so that when it is flown you can hear a soft whistle in the wind.)

(Kaley-Sized moon kite!)

After those events we had yet another beach clean up...and you know what that means?! More aerobic dancing!

(AFS at the beach clean up.)

(The clean up crew)

(My wonderful siblings agreed to come along and help me clean the beach.)

All in all, February was a very productive month.....

   But something severely disturbed me when we went to the beach clean up. After the time rang clear and our job was finished, people pulled out snacks and water bottles from their back packs and began drinking and eating. Normal right? Of course. But after everyone was finished, I saw many people carelessly throwing their garbage BACK onto the beach and not even thinking about it twice. This made me feel angry and hurt that people could be so ignorant and disrespectful about the planet, and those who worked so hard that day to clean it. If you are reading this, I am begging you...whether you are Malay, American, Chinese, Belgian, German, Mexican, Spanish, French, Indonesian, Indian, or anything else, we are all human. And this is OUR planet. Please stop the littering. If you see garbage on the ground, take it and put it where it belongs; in a dust bin. Don't destroy the beauty that was given to us!

Sorry to end on such a negative note. Hopefully this post has been juicy enough and full of info for you guys, these next few weeks willbe very busy for me, as I will go live with a temporary family in southern Malaysia  (Johor Bharu) for two weeks to experience life in a different place temporarily. All of the exchange students do this so it will be an exciting opportunity.

Well thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

Kaley. 

The Bag and other Details In the Fabric

   I think I begin too many posts apologizing for not posting, so i think ill start this one by thanking you for reading my scarce updates about my life in Malaysia.

    Life in Malaysia. Really, that's what it has become. Not an "exchange year" but a life...I have friends, and family, and teachers. I've cried, I've laughed, I've loved, I've argued, I've lost and I've won. With just 5 months left, I realize I have "officially" reached the halfway point in my exchange. I have experienced SO many things. Just this month, I have explored the big city of Kuala Lumpur, and have also forced myself to settle down and adjust to the calm and peaceful kampung life. I have talked to more strangers in this month, than I have ever talked to in my entire life. I have danced with the Malaysian-Indians during Thaipusam and I have carried a Malay conversation with the Malay people in my school. Even next week I will be going with a temporary new host family to celebrate Chinese new year--Malaysia Style. I have seen the Malaysian sunset almost every day, and listened to the town become quiet as the sun sets and it becomes Mahgrib time, the time in which all Muslims must respect and perform one of their five daily prayers. I have heard the Azan five times a day, every day, for 6 months now and for the next 5 months to come. 

   The interesting thing about living a culture so different from your own, is how easy it becomes to be an observer. You can watch and notice things you wouldn't notice about your own culture. The smallest things we don't pay attention may be some of the most interesting things to a foreigner.  We don't notice the way we sit, the way we set our bag on the table, the way we hold a knife, or the way we fidget when we are nervous. But to a foreigner, those are some of the most interesting things.

I remember my first day of school in Pahang, Malaysia. I gave a speech to my school, the proceeded to my class with several new friends. We made casual conversation ("Hi where are you from?" "Indiana!" "Oh...what's that?") and eventually made it to our classroom on the 3rd floor of the school. I found my desk in the front and sat down, slinging my backpack on the floor without a thought. One of my Malay friends stared at it for a moment then just looked at me and pointed to the bag. 

"Kaley.....you cannot do that!" She pointed to the bag, concerningly. 

"Wait...can't do what?" I was confused. Did I bring the wrong type of bag? Was there something wrong with the color? The size?

"You can't just lay it on the ground like that...it's so disrespectful to our teachers..." She replied gently. I picked the bag up and layed it on my lap.

"Oh....then....what do I do?" 

"Just don't lay it down like this," she layed my backpack horizontally on the ground. "This is okay." She took the bag and leaned it back upright against my desk. 

I felt slightly shocked and a little humiliated that I hadn't known this before. Such a small gesture to me could be very disrespectful and offensive to others. It made me wonder what "small gestures" and things like that we value in America. To the Malay girl, the bag sitting upright was common sense, but to me, it was no big deal to lay it on the ground without thinking twice. The culture shock really hit me when I started pulling all the things I had done into my mind wondering, "Was this actually culturally inappropriate? Have I don't anything else insensitive without realizing it?" 

I think I learned one of my most important life lessons that day. I have learned to not just look at and admire the fabric, but question the sewing pattern and color of beads. I have learned to appreciate the unique textile that is life in a different country. Being a foreigner in this country has not only allowed me to learn about their culture from observing and experiencing, but also has allowed me to learn about my culture by giving me the opportunity to reevaluate the smallest things about my life in America and rediscover the way I lived there and how I live--and should live-- here. 

Thanks for reading, until next time..

Sincerely,

Kaley.

Chapter Two

   As I said in my last blog post, I am now living in a new family in the town of Pasir Mas, Kelantan. I've been here for a few days now, and I've enjoyed it nonstop. I live in a huge family that all live on the same property together, so we often all mix around and visit all 4 houses. 

    Perhaps one of the most incredible things about is new family is that Pasir Mas is located just maybe 30 minutes fom the border of Thailand, so many of my family members are able to not only speak Malay, and English but also Thai. And on the note of language, I'd like to take is moment to say I've progressed quite a bit in my Malay but I still have so much to learn. Ecsepcially now, living in the state of Kelantan, they have their own special dialect of Malay, that sounds almost incomprehensible to foreigners. 

   Kelantan is very different from Kuantan in many ways. When I arrived here, I felt like I was in a different country. Kelantan is an Islamic state, so it is much less liberal than Kuantan. For example, it is a law that all women on poster billboards wear the hijab, regardless if the woman is of Islamic faith or not. Also, everything is written in two languages, Malay and Arabic. 

    However, I have been placed in a very open-minded highly critical thinking family. They are indeed dedicated Muslims, but they're beliefs consist of a different view of Islam that I have found to be quite fascinating and different. 

    In Malaysia, the longest school holiday is during the rainy season, from late November to the beginning of the new year. So currently, I am enjoying a relaxed few weeks with my family, no school, sleeping in late and eating delicious roti and nasi krabus for breakfast. 

   Also, as thanksgiving is tomorow, all of the Americans met in Kuala Lumpur to eat a delicious Thanksgiving feast at the US Embassy. It was so perfect, it made my tastebuds nostalgic! And since Thanksgiving is so near, I'd like to take this moment to give my thanks to the many people who deserve it. 

Firstly, I am speechlessly greatful for KL-YES Abroad and the incredible scholarship they have provided me. I wouldn't be here without it.

I am thankful for AFS and more specifically the people in AFS that have supported me and helped me. 

I am thankful for the beauty of second chances. 

I am greatful for the undeniable change stirring inside of me like a melting pot of ingredients  made of knowledge, spiritual insight, and worldly perspective. 

I am thankful for my family. Not just in America, but in Malaysia and within the YES community. Your support is so important to me...but you already know that. :) 

And I am thankful for the life I live and anyone who has contributed positively towards it. I think too often we only realize how thankful for something we are when we no longer have it. However, living an international life has really shown me that it is vital to live a thankful life everyday, not just during holidays, or when wonderful things happen, or even when we realize our wonderful things are gone. Everyday should be a day to give thanks. 

And with that I want to say Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends and family. Happy Holidays everyone!

Sincerely,

Kaley